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Cruise Ship Loungers

The Do’s and Don’ts of Cruising

Treadwell & Tenny’s Do’s and Don’ts of Cruising It’s a question we never thought we would hear, especially in the snug bar of our local here in deepest Sussex. It’s the kind of thing you might expect on dodgy street corners or the more seedy parts of a Caribbean port. But definitely not in the […]

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Wind Surf Live Day 5, Monte Carlo

Wind Surf Live! Day Five: Monte Carlo

The last time we were in Monte Carlo, the doorman at the famous Casino took one look at us and declared, “Non.” Admittedly we were distinctly bedraggled and decidedly not dressed to impress, but we did expect at least to be able to peep inside the doors at the rich and famous gambling away the […]

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Travel Checklist

Your Pre-Cruise Checklist

They say anticipation is the greater part of pleasure; that expectations are at least half the fun; anticipation is the very soul of enjoyment. ‘They,’ of course, are wrong. At least when it comes to cruising. Hopelessly, ridiculously, laughably wrong. Anticipating a cruise holiday is certainly wonderful. It means that you have it all booked […]

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No Buts, It’s Got To Be Butler - OTYA

No Buts, It’s Got To Be Butler

It was the bally butler that did it. There we were, sticking rigidly to the old Doctor’s Orders with our diet, and along comes our stateroom butler with daily hors d’oeuvres and suddenly everything’s gone to hell in a canapé basket. We should have expected it, of course. It’s all very well having the MO […]

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The Ugly File

The Ugly File

We had to chortle. It’s something we’ve been saying for years, in the forlorn hope that someone, somewhere would pay attention and raise the issue in The Press (as we used to call it. Nowadays, it’s more likely to be Faceblock, or Tweetie Pie, or some such similar nonsense). Anyway, there we were enjoying our […]

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Over the Yard Arm Resolutions

We Resolve To Do More Cruising

So, how long did it last? Your New Year resolution, we mean. Did it make it through the first week, or even a fortnight? For most people, the typical resolve peters out within the first month, and only 20 per cent even make it to March. It is a tough haul. Of course, most people […]

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A Very Merry Cruise-mas

A Very Merry Cruise-mas

In which Tenny looks at the perfect way to celebrate the season, without actually setting sail… It is definitely ‘the most wonderful time of the year’ right now. The presents are wrapped and under the tree, the TV is showing White Christmas, a hot toddy is on the stove, and we’re safely inside out of […]

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Awards - OTYA

And The Winners Are…

We blame the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. Ever since May 16, 1929, when they first started handing out little golden statues to the great and worthy of the film industry, other businesses have followed suit by creating their own ‘awards’ ceremonies. There are the ‘Oscars’ of Fashion; the ‘Oscars’ of the advertising […]

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A Damned Good Flushing

A Damned Good Flushing

We have all seen That Look. You’ll notice it on the face of every first-time cruise passenger on their very first trip to the bathroom. You make yourself all nice and comfortable, do what needs to be done, proceed with the after-unmentionables, and then press the appropriate button or lever. The resultant noise is enough […]

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A Plague On Both Your Harbours!

A Plague On Both Your Harbours! Yorkshire had the right phrase for it, several eons ago. It doesn’t hold up quite so well in this day and age, but it is still worth repeating when you read something so mind-bogglingly stupid that you have to re-read it, several times, to make sure it isn’t you […]

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